Sunday, January 12, 2014

It's Perfectly Normal to be Human

Another “interesting” post from:
Martha K. Miller

I've noticed that there is such a rush toward religions and practices that exalt people to godhood, but I have to wonder where's their proof?  Subjective experiences are not definitive proof of anything, and we should not take just anybody's word for it because people lie or can pass on lies they were told by another. Also, just because it was an ancient practice doesn't mean it's right.  Anyone trusting in "ancient wisdom" is trusting in folklore based in experiences of uneducated and even illiterate people, who had no understanding of the medical effects, or the “whys,” of drugs, food and water depravation, nor the mind’s capability to protect and even fool itself through fantasy via hallucinations or daydreaming.  Drugs cause unreal experiences, fasting food and water can cause hallucinations, pain can cause “out of body” type experiences and false visions in some people, and even entering into a daydream can bring feelings of joy and euphoria to a person.  But none of those things have any tangible basis; it's subject to the person experiencing these things and not even brain scans can prove what the person is experiencing as being true.  So, the human mind can play tricks on itself.  For instance, those with missing limbs may experience pain in that limb but there is nothing there.  It's imaginary.  I agree that our minds are powerful, and provided we know how to accomplish something and have the resources to make it happen, we can do whatever we set our minds to do.  But the human mind also has a great capacity to delude itself.  We've seen throughout history that there have been men and women who have deluded themselves into believing they have the answers to the world's problems and no one else does (Monsanto is proof of that).  Religions are formed on that basis, but where is the proof that those religions have the answers?  Where is the proof that man can be a god?

Having an opinion blog is not necessarily me trying to say I have all the answers.  But I can get very stubborn with my opinion because I truly believe I'm right (just like everyone else does).  I can fall into the trap that I have the answers to the world's problems as well as anyone else.  My motivation is usually to help, but I can get too harsh and cutting at times, which doesn’t help.  So, I have to tell myself, "You don’t have all the answers nor must you take the full responsibility of the world upon your shoulders.  You can’t possibly solve all the world's problems by yourself.  But that's OKAY."  It's all right and even normal to be a finite, flawed human being.  In fact, it's something to be celebrated because we have a common bond and can celebrate it together as one whole race -- the human race.  Once we accept our humanity then we might start listening to one another more closely, realizing someone may have a missing piece of the puzzle that could solve at least one of the ills that plague the human race.  But why can't people accept their humanness?  Why must we strive for something we can’t have?  Why must those in power try to use their money and position to force absolute blind obedience upon others?  Why must "their will be done on earth" above all others’?  Presumptuous attitudes like that will never allow for world peace or unity, so that means that any person who strives to force his or her will upon others, is too imperfect and unfit to be a god, because that’s abuse of power.

I've always wondered about these people who say that gods are imperfect like man is, including fighting and warring against each other.  Isn't that just a bit too convenient for man (to make it easier to become a god)?  But if gods are just as fallible as man then why are they classified as gods?  Why should they be worshipped?  I have a problem with a fallible god that demands perfect devotion when they are not perfect themselves.  Wouldn't that make them a hypocrite?  I especially have a problem with the "evil" gods that punish and abuse their followers, or make them sacrifice even their own children.  I believe that those gods were designed by early man to explain away the evils that happen in this world and to make a nice profit off of it by scaring people with the threats of being cursed by that evil god.  Barring natural disasters or self-inflicted pain, evil things that happen to us are usually a result of narcissistic men and women who think they're gods and get to determine what is right for the world, when most of the time their ideas are disastrous.  For example, whenever man tampers with anything nature has perfected, it gets messed up.  Monsanto is one such evil trying to force us to eat mutated foods, thus making us sick. 

Being a god is too much responsibility for one human being to mentally handle.  The movie stars are treated like gods, but they're only human beings who perform for a living -- it's just a job they love very much.  However, even celebrities need other people to help them.  Because of the frenzied excitement of fans and dangers of stalkers, they have to pay out the nose for security, insurance (in case of bodily harm), and worry about many things that average people don't have to deal with.  I guess that's why they get such enormous salaries.  That's also another reason that celebrities are unreachable for many fans.  It's nothing personal, but because of the number of people that seek their attention they can't possibly show everyone individual attention, plus because of a few stalkers, they can't openly trust people they don’t know.  As fans we must understand that and not be hurt or get mad if our favorite celebrity ignores us (I have never gotten a tweet from Hugh Jackman or Patrick Stewart or Conan).  But think about it, even the strongest celebrities, like Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock), have to have security guards to protect them.  Because, no matter how strong they are, they cannot fight off a mob of hyped up fans that could trample them, nor can they avoid being injured or killed by a bullet because they are... HUMAN.  Their bodies are susceptible to injury and death just like anyone else's.  So what does that mean?  They're not gods.

But on the other side, I have found that wanting to be like a god is based in human pride, arrogance, and narcissism.  It shows itself through wars and in those who desire world dominion.  That desire for domination over one another is nothing more than madness.  Yes, we must have laws that we all have agreed upon as general guidelines to prevent harming one another or defrauding one another, and when those laws are broken there must be justice done for the offended parties.  However, I believe this obsession with becoming a god or god-like is mentally unhealthy.  For instance, I've seen some men (like some body builders and wrestlers) desire to be a god or god-like so badly that they deform their bodies into something that looks monstrous and unnatural, which is very unattractive to me.  The bulging veins and cobblestone bodies look monstrous and very uncomfortable to get close to.  But that’s just my opinion.  But in this "god-chasing” world, people have accepted that obsessive-compulsive behavior as normal, when it's actually an unhealthy self-indulgent, narcissistic obsession with their bodies, which is not what gods (nor humans) are supposed to be like.  There’s nothing wrong with being fit and taking care of your body or being proud of the hard work you’ve put into making your body trim and healthy.  But, in their deluded arrogance, these man-gods I've seen (not just muscle men) can be evil, cold, unfeeling, aggressive, condemning, and even violent.  So, I am not going to “worship” any of them because they are not  more important than I am (on a human level we are equal).  I'll just watch as other deluded people become equally obsessed with their god's body, and enable that god to become more arrogant and even more brazen in spewing forth more condemning words about the weak.  Women's Health magazine calls those types of people "fitness snobs." (Meet the Fitter-Than-Thou Crowd, pgs 58-61, Jan/Feb 2014).  But everyone is different, so what works for one person may not work for another.  We can't put all people and all body types in our little box, saying, "My way is the only way," or “I’m more disciplined than you because I work out more than you, which makes me better than you,” and etc. 

I place priorities on things that are more important than my body being the hardest, toughest, and meanest looking.  Having a monstrous sized body tells me that person has a monstrous ego to match, and all his or her time is swallowed up in making that body monstrous and deformed, but at whose expense?  When they are old and gray, or they’ve contracted a muscle destroying disorder or any debilitating disease, or have been in a disabling accident (remember Christopher Reeve), then what will they have to glory in?  The past, and only the past.  But, since they can’t give the public something fresh and new, they’ll be forgotten by many and left to wither with those whom they put off for their workouts.  Yet, because those weaker forsaken ones still love them for the person they are, not their muscles, I believe they would gladly spend time with them and be the one that is truly strong, because their strength is based in unselfish love.  So, which one would truly be the fittest?

Even if you have proven you are the smartest person ever to live, and you become ruler of the entire world, and everyone adores you and worships you as a god or savior, that doesn't mean you know everything.  Even geniuses are limited on what they know.  For instance, they don't know how to escape death.  One thing that we human beings cannot escape is death, which proves right there that no earthbound man or woman can be a god or else he/she could permanently overcome physical death.  It doesn't matter if any leader has all these signs and wonders following him, including being raised from near death, he still will have to face death again on the final day of his earthly existence.  As my brother says, "None of us will make it out of this life alive."  And since there is no proof that we'll be gods in an afterlife or that reincarnation is real (just subjective experiences and so-called testimonials of those experiences), I don't believe we get to make a return visit nor will we ever be a god anywhere else. 

But, godhood is an unattainable fantasy in this life because no one is perfect nor can he/she know everything there is to know.  That's why we need one another.  It teaches us to work things out, and be mature responsible adults, the weak and strong alike sharing the world as it was meant to be.  I personally, don’t want to be a god, just an ordinary human being is sufficient for me.  But, for the sake of peace and unity, I’d like to encourage everyone who reads this to  accept your humanity, because it’s who you truly are.  If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re conning you, probably so you’ll join their cult, buy their book or DVD, or enroll in their classes, just to make them richer.  But at the same time we need to stop being hypocritical and arrogant and start taking responsibility for our actions.  We need to start cleaning up the mess we've made of this world, and sharing it like we teach our children to share.  We ALL have the right to live on this planet and be treated with dignity and respect, so let’s start putting those words into action and doing something to better the earth, or someone else’s life.  Share the love, share the wealth, and share our common bond of being imperfect human beings.  It’s OKAY, you’ll be a better person for it.  Because then we'll be forced to humble ourselves and actually work things out together.  Now that's what true progress is.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

TM Real or Fantasy?

First of all, I'd like to say that if anyone practices TM, I am not "attacking" you or your religious beliefs.  I am just raising concerns and questions that I have wondered about for a long time and stating the reasons why I don't practice TM.

Delusions of the Human Mind

I am a fiction writer, therefore I have a vivid and very unique imagination.  I wouldn't be much of a fiction writer without that imagination, but when I write, I place myself in the shoes of my characters to get a feel for who they are and what I want them to think, do, and say.  They characters have no feelings in and of themselves, but are an extension of the author or are pieces of those the author has met or knows.  However, I have to feel what those characters feel so I can interject their feelings into the dialogue.  It's like an actor when he or she "gets into character."  Yes, I really do get into my characters sometimes (some call that method acting).  But I can personally enter a place of bliss, happiness and confidence when I become that character.

For example, if my character is truly loved by a man who accepts her the way she is, faults and all, that sends me into an almost indescribable euphoric state of happiness like I've never experienced before.  I've even had experiences where the very core of my being feels pulled and has felt like it wants to come out of my body and join with the soul of that man my character loves.  But through my story I imagine the day the two finally meet.  Their eyes lock and there is "electricity" between them and they both instinctively know they are to be together. When they finally consumate their relationship it's something beyond supernatural. Their souls finally embrace and never let each other go. Those feelings of ecstasy can be so addicting that I just want to bask in them until I die.

But despite the seemingly real feelings, it isn't real, it's something I've convinced myself is real at the time and makes me feel happy, loved, confident and a whole plethora of feelings that go along with being that deeply in love.  Sometimes those feelings last for hours and even now, thinking about those euphoric feelings brings them to the surface and the pulling starts again.  But in reality I don't have a man who loves me like that.  If I did, I'd be in eternal bliss because those feelings are absolutely out of this world.  But I'm the one creating those feelings within myself; I'm creating my own happiness with fantasy.  I know it sounds like I'm a sad case, but it does help me with my writing.

I believe TM is the same kind of fantasy.  It deludes your mind for a short time into believing that the practice itself is bringing happiness and wholeness when it's actually the person bringing it to themselves.  Fantasy is an amazing gift and is needed from time to time to alleviate stress.  But the imagination is a very powerful thing, and it can delude people, even to the point of making someone believe they've had a unique or supernatural experience but, as in my case, it's usually based in something untrue.  But there are some people who believe the fantasies they've created in their minds and act on them (like stalkers), which shows how strong and deceptive the imagination can be.

Automatic Response or Power of Suggestion?

Those who say that they automatically go into a trance or altered state of consciousness, I believe are actually saying that they have disciplined themselves into such a habit of behavior that it SEEMS as if it's automatic.  The only processes in the human body that I know of that are automatic are normal breathing, heart beat and other necessary biological and scientifically documented functions to keep our bodies operating, and it is a common denominator that ALL human beings share. There are electrical impulses in the brain that signify thoughts being processed, but what those thoughts are remain a mystery until they're communicated by the individual having them (which requires thinking).

But those who claim that they stop thinking to enter those states of mind really don't stop thinking.  For instance if you have to push the thoughts out of your mind with your mind, you're still thinking.  If you have to trace the path of your breath, you have to feel or see the path it takes, maybe even knowing something about biology and anatomy, which requires thinking.  If you count down to your altered state or have someone help you count down, counting requires thinking. Speaking to any spirit guide inside your inner sanctum requires thinking.  So the myth that you are blanking out your mind is just a delusion THEY TELL YOU that you are doing or should be doing.

Don't believe what they tell you, thinking is a GOOD thing, it keeps you out of trouble and from believing in fantasies. vHowever, I've encountered more and more people who don't want to think.  Having to depend upon those people is like riding a bus without a driver-- very scary.  I think thinking has become a lost art.  I see that as laziness in some ways because the person wants to be spoon-fed instead of reasearching and finding the answers themselves.  The biggest danger in trusting just anyone or any "guide" and not thinking for yourself is you can and more than likely will be LIED to.  I am a person who loves to think because that's a sign of intelligence and a sign of someone who loves to learn.  Learning something new is wonderful to me, but I'm very afraid for our generation because people want to blank out their minds and hand the control over to something or someone that I do not know nor can I truly trust.  That's just plain foolish to me.

Spirit Guides?

But if you give your mind over to something (a force, a guide, etc.) that's trouble with a capital T. You've been given responsibility for the body and mind you have been entrusted with.  There's a reason no one else has control over it.  Some TM practioners have testified of having people (dead or living) within their inner sanctum or their world that they "go to" (actually created with their OWN imaginations), and they have these people there for guidance and help.  But where do these alleged guides get their information?  I believe it's from one of two places, either the person him/herself have that knowledge within them already or it's from an outside source.  If it's from the person, then they are the ones animating those inner guides much like an actor brings a character to life.  But the guide is an extention of that person not anything separate.

The other source is not a good source, despite what it may say.  I've heard some TM practioners say that they've experienced some very frightful things during their meditations.  Now, if it's good, why would they scare the pants off of them?  That's mental torment and unloving, but I thought TM was supposed to bring peace,  love and harmony.  But if that doesn't happen to everyone who practices TM then why are some tormented and some are not?  That's not fair nor right, which tells me TM isn't right.  If we are all part of the god-consciousness and all the same, then isn't that inequality hypocrisy?  Either way, I don't want to get involved with it because it's too unproveable, unpredictable, and I personally believe based in a very deceptive evil mankind has no business tampering with. Update:  If you think about it, TM gurus are teaching people to talk to entities that are not really there.  According to psychology that's schizophrenic behavior.  And according to Johanna Michaelson, former psychic and author of The Beautiful Side of Evil, people have gone insane as a result of these experiences.

But who better to deceive and to use to perpetuate that deception than through those who make their living in the world of fantasy? The entertainment industry is plagued with those practicing TM and making all kinds of claims that are subjective experiences with no tangible evidence backing them up.  Some may say I'm misunderstanding TM, maybe so, but I believe TM is just another modern day quick fix to mask  problems rather than delving in and solving them.  Real problem solving requires ACTION (which is what love is -- action).  Sitting somewhere meditating isn't going to feed a soldier's family or even change what has happened to him/her in battle.  Some may protest, but it may spark creative ideas on how to help them.  So can a lot of a thing called hard work (i.e. talking to the soldiers, making phone calls, contacting agencies, taking food to their door, and so on).  TM was orginally developed in ancient Eastern religions like Hinduism and Buddhism.  But the method (if you can call it that) is based in our natural ability to daydream and create our own idea of a "peaceful environment."  It's just a mental vacation.  But to deal with this reality, we must work with what is truly tangible.  TM seems to have very little to do with reality, therefore I don't believe TM can benefit us any more than daydreaming of a non-existent love.  It's not real.

But I want to encourage those who have both inner and outer battle scars. Battle scars are beautiful badges of honor separating the brave from those who want it easy.  No one should ever try to hide those "beauty marks," but be proud because they're a sign you survived and are strong.  You've not said, "Let someone else do it," you've taken the challenge and the responsibility upon yourself, and this generation needs to exhalt the warriors in this reality far above those who are on the silver screen (they're not real or true). I understand that some will disagree, but that's their choice and I respect that.  But I just ask that you respect my choice.  Because calling me names or putting me down, like many people do in this generation, will be adding to my long list of battle scars.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Email me at:

Friday, September 27, 2013


As you know, this blog is entitled Martha’s Opinions, so it’s going to express what I think is true at the moment I write the blog.  Opinions are like socks, they can be changed for even the smallest reason or fact presented.  I’ve had some small but eye-opening things happen, recently so, I’ve reviewed some of my blog posts and realized I can be biting and vicious.  I tried repairing any damage and to salvage the post, but there was no justification for my offensive words, so I deleted them.  I honestly don’t know what I was expecting of people, probably too much.  I can be a perfectionist, and that is not always good.

I know as human beings we say and do stupid things.  You would think that I would learn by now, after having many eggs on my face, not to do such things.  That’s why it’s important to have the facts or experiences before you write anything.  I did have the negative experiences but I guess I believed I was telling off all those people that hurt me by being so vicious to the people who didn’t hurt me or even know me.  Silly huh?  I don’t know why I do that, other than maybe trying to sabotage myself.  Of course, I could try to use the excuse of menopause, but even in that I have to own up to what I say and do.  So, I humbly apologize for offending those who are at least trying to do a good thing.  I hope you continue doing good things and helping everyone you can.

Thank you,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


The controversy over genetically modified foods is growing more and more each day.  Companies like Monsanto and DuPont produce genetically modified seeds and foods which cause tumors in rats, cause their testicles to be smaller and alter their sperm cells.  There are reports of orange crops failing because of GMOs, people starting to become ill from consuming GMOs (I being one of them), and farmers reporting low yeilds when planting GMO seeds.  The GMOs were supposed to increase food production, not reduce it.  But worst of all, somehow the GMO infested plants are causing millions of needed bees to die (entire hives, even).  But there is also a reduction in the taste that even I have noticed (and was consequently belittled for by a so-called scientist, who called me childish names rather than explaining why I noticed a difference in the taste of genetically modified melons as opposed to organic melons).

There are between 30 and 55 countries that have banned GMOs; that should give America a clue.  Another good clue to GMOs being dangerous is that the farmers must wear masks when spraying the much stronger toxic pesticides on them. But like the greedy mizers they are (in my opinion) Monsanto is using the plight of the hungry in those countries to pressure these governments to spread their poisonous seeds.  Companies like Monsanto should be banned from using the desperation of others to spread their false propoganda.

But there are companies like Southern Exposure Seed Exchange (, Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds (, as well as organizations like Weston A. Price (to Foundation and Institute for Responsible Technology (, which are sounding the alarm but being met with slanderous, libelous attacks on their credibility for exposing the evils of GMOs as well as the soy industry (For info on soy see my blog "Killer Foods" or go to or Southern Exposure is suing Monsanto I believe because Monsanto corn has spread it's GM pollen onto the properties of those who do grow organic crops and infected their crops with what the organic world calls franken-pollen. It's very difficult to find organic corn now because of Monsanto's GM pollen being spread through the air.  But it doesn't stop at just corn crops.  It can infect any plant because if there are any bees, they carry the franken-pollen to other non-GMO plants.

Unfortunately, some may only see the immediate picture.  They see the 1st generation of GMO seeds as unhealthy, and surely the goverment won't allow them to be labeled organic, since alterations of that kind are not natural or organic (NOT!! The government passed laws to PROTECT Monsanto).  But what about the next and the next and the next generations?  You see, because these genetically modified seeds are supposed to be disease and pest resistant (but are NOT), they may make the claim that the future generations (which are the seeds harvested that year for use the next year), are grown organically because they may have used less pesticides (but stronger ones).  Or cross-pollination may occur and infect truly organic plants and the farmer may be genuinely thinking he's raised an organic crop.  There is NOTHING organic about GMOs and any future generation must be labeled GMO in order for farmers to be properly informed of what they are planting and consumers be properly informed of what they are eating (i.e. the right to know).

The GMO project to feed the world has FAILED and companies like Monsanto need to back off and leave our food alone.  Their refusal to admit they are wrong is causing harm to others as well as to the organic industry (organic seeds grow better and faster, too), but if the GMO companies have their way there may be NO more truly organic food available to those who have the right to choose healthy over genetically modified foods, and especially those who cannot eat GMOs or soy due to allergies (which are rapidly increasing).  These "food fights" should not be happening.  If companies like Monsanto hadn't started it by greedily wanting a monopoly on food, and using bad science to do it (as well as bad scientists who lie, including the FDA), we would all live happily ever after.  There is no real science behind GMOs, it's just creepy science-fiction.

A Challenge to GMO companies:  If GMOs are so safe, why are you so against labeling it?  Are ya chicken?  If so, why?  Could it be that GMOs are NOT safe, like you pay your scientists not to say?

To the Reader:  But who are you going to believe, big businesses who have repeatedly shown that they are out for a buck and not looking out for the people, and even try to operate above the law, or the law abiding people who stand up and look out for the people?  Notify your state and federal representatives to let them know you don't want genetically modified organisms in your food.  And tell them you want any GMO food that exists now, clearly labeled.

THE EFFECTS OF GMOs PROVE THAT GREED (AND PRIDE) MAKES PEOPLE STUPID AND IS A HATE CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY AND NATURE!  Monsanto and companies like them need to be charge with a hate crime, in my opinion.

DISCLAIMER:  Any comments in this post are the OPINIONS and beliefs of the author backed by research from websites listed in this post as well as other numerous websites sounding the alarm against GMOs and Soybeans.  Blogspot or it's advertisers cannot be held libel for statements on this blog.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Celebrity Tweeting Etiquette

I’ve not been on Twitter for very long -- a little over a month -- but there are things I’ve observed and been taught by other tweeters.  I can’t say I’ve not made some blunders on Twitter, and done these things myself, because I have.  I am very opinionated and if I find something that I think needs another point of view, I’ll add mine (and sometimes it can be sharp).  Sometimes, I just like being a smart alack or I am trying to be funny.   But I don’t intend to be bothersome or annoying to anyone, and especially not overly offensive or crass (I usually delete those tweets if they sound too bad). 

But @RachelinthOC has been a valuable source of information and @WilliamShatner has been helpful with my tweet etiquette and what celebrities like.  First of all, I don’t believe celebrities are on twitter to be bombarded with ads or spam.  I think they want to genuinely connect with fans, as well as family and friends.  Yes, celebrities are people too, and they need socialization with friends, family and yes some even like to talk to fans.  But when a regular person does get a tweet from their favorite celebrity, it’s kind of special to that person.  For me, it makes me feel happy that I was noticed even for a split second by someone outside my normal social circle.  It’s kind of exciting to think that someone, who is normally so far away and seemingly “unreachable” because of their celebrity status, would answer me, encourage me, or agree with me.  I think to myself, “They acknowledged my existence.”  BUT THAT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT DOESN’T MAKE THEM MY BEST BUDDIES!!  It may be the only tweet I ever get from them, but I’m okay with that.  However, I’m not going to stop tweeting them if they are having a conversation I’m interested in.  And again, they may respond to me or they may not.  It’s part of the territory of being a follower of a celebrity (and keeping a healthy perspective on the relationship between celebs and fans).

But one thing I’ve noticed is that spammers will not only promote their business or blogs at inappropriate times, but also interrupt celebrity conversations with their stupid links which have nothing whatsoever to do with what the celebrity is talking about.  You know the ones that start out “LMAO these pics are funny.  You’ve got to see this.”   That tells me the spammer doesn’t read the conversation before they rudely interject their over-tweeted links.  It also annoys the heck out of the rest of us when we are trying to tweet a celebrity and some spammer is trying to be obnoxious and may cause that celebrity to overlook our tweet.  Celebrities have so many people that tweet them, it’s hard to get a tweet back because as human beings celebs are limited and have choices to make.  So, they may tweet you or they may not; I’m sure it’s nothing personal; they could be overwhelmed by all the tweets.  And if spammers are adding to that, I know it annoys the celebrity too.

I have a concern for celebs because of their vulnerability to stalkers, and that is a real fear in their lives.  If these celebs don’t know who you are, I would think, that making lewd, sexual remarks about them, or worse, what you’d like to do to them, would make them very reluctant to tweet you back.  If you are truly friends with them, you’ll have enough of a rapport with them where you can send them a DM with those kinds of remarks.  If they don’t follow you, then you’re not close enough to be so friendly with.  If you want to have any chance of getting a tweet back, join their conversation; express interest in what they are saying or asking.  And if you’re wondering what they’re talking about READ the conversation – reading is good brain “food,”-- or just ask.  Be considerate of their humanity, time, position, and yes, even their fears.  They don’t have time to deal with inconsiderate and obnoxious people, do you?

I’m sure this doesn’t cover it all, but if you have a suggestion just add it below.  Thanks!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

What is Normal?

I’ve asked that question of one of my therapists and she accused me of being cagey.  But I really did want to know.  What is the absolute definition of normal; who is truly a normal person?  What role model is there to demonstrate normality?  Since, in many people’s eyes, truth is relative not absolute, then the truth that defines normality is just as relative. 

For a schizophrenic it’s normal to hear voices, however, the rest of the world who doesn’t hear them says it’s not normal, BUT the world runs after gurus who say they have spirit guides or aliens that tell them secret information.  For a hebephrenic it’s normal to have disorderly thoughts and live in a dream world, however, the rest of the world says it’s unhealthy, BUT the world hails the successful fiction writers for their great imaginations or great artists and even geniuses are excused from being organized.  And what about actors, who spend their entire lives pretending to be other people and encourage living in fantasy?  I can see the hypocrisy, even if no one else can.

Does normal go by what the majority says, or by how much talent or money a person has, or is it relative to each individual?  How can one determine what is normal for another person?  Humans define normal by exalting themselves up as examples, but when you get into the closets of their lives, you can find some seriously crazy things.  So, what is normal?

It’s my opinion, that not one person living now can set themselves up as perfectly normal.  If we look at the movie stars, we’re going to be sorely disappointed.  I’ve read where there is one male movie star who was raised in a typical Midwest family and seems to be normal and healthy on the outside, but he has an underarm fetish – he sniffs the underarms of women he dates.  Now, in my eyes, that is NOT normal.  I’m sure he has days when his armpits stink, too.  Let’s turn to psychology.  Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, had a spirit guide, named Philemon, that told him about human personality.  He heard voices, he was, by his own professional standards, a schizophrenic.  That’s why he never told his colleagues that he heard the voices.  So, how trustworthy are his theories (which are just beliefs and guesses NOT facts)? 

My own psychiatrist told me there are no scientific tests (like blood tests) that can prove mental illnesses.  They would have to take brain fluid and that is too dangerous.  Yet the drug companies who make psych drugs are making a fortune off of unscientific guesses and relative beliefs.  The DSM which is the “Bible” of the psych industry, has so many different “disorders” with overlapping symptoms it could take years to find out if someone truly has a specific disorder or if it’s just a circumstantial issue like the weather or financial hardship, and yes even eating foods your body is intolerant of or allergic to, such as soy, genetically modified foods, or gluten.  (Go to and find out about the food intolerance/allergy test they have developed.)  Much of our depression and anxiety is circumstantial, not medical.  But the greedy drug companies don’t want anyone to find out.  So, people, think about it, who is really normal, the greedy Rx lords, or the ones trying to warn people about the mentally ill Rx lords?  Greed is stupid and makes people do stupid things.  If it weren’t for greed, there would be no need for organizations who stand up for the rights of the common people.  But unfortunately we do not live in a normal world because the world has accepted greed as normal and it’s not.  So, what is normal?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Raised by a Mentally Ill Mother

© 2013 Martha K. Miller
            I began writing a novel about a little girl, named Marna Smith, who grew up in a home where her father abandoned her family because her mother became mentally ill.  I’m still working on the book, but I want to offer some excerpts from it to demonstrate the confusion and lost world these children must exist in.  As a child of a paranoid schizophrenic mother my learned way of thinking from my mother, in many instances was distorted, and I remained na├»ve for many years about important areas of life itself.  I wrote this book hoping to find my own answers to why I failed to thrive on a human level. Although only the first part of this book in based in the truth of my life, in many ways Marna reasons the way I reasoned as a child.  Some of the early specific incidents didn’t actually happen but they were based in similar situations.  However, it describes the atmosphere of poverty, filth, violence, abuse, vulgarity, abandonment, confusion, ridicule, hypocrisy, apathy, and rejection experienced by some of my siblings and myself.  It also reveals that Marna despite being a victim of her circumstances, had to change some of her own improper thinking.  However, I wanted to discover the reasons I made the choices I did, or why I was unwilling to take risks.  In many cases I found that I was trying to remain “safe” and unhurt, but wound up hurting myself more by isolating myself too much.  I allowed myself to die, in a sense, and all the dreams I ever had died with me.  I believe that this book is my attempt at flying once again and an opportunity to share with others what children of the mentally ill sometimes go through and why some may seem to act differently.

In the book, Marna is “mentored” by her elementary art teacher, Mr. B.  I appreciate the beauty the arts offer the world; that’s why I believe they are so necessary in a child’s education.  They are crucial in Marna’s life, but if they’re cut out of a child’s life one may be suppressing the next Rembrandt, Gene Kelley, Pavarotti, or any other artist that has added grace and beauty to our lives.  A world without art would be a very dead place.  But Marna comes to understand some of life’s complexities, and soar above many of her life’s trials by not only Mr. B’s love and concern, but also his wisdom and a “peculiar” paintbrush that paints another reality, where they meet Lords and Ladies as well as encounter some villainous characters.  Marna gets into some compromising and sometimes comical situations using the brush for things it wasn’t intended, but when she enters that other reality it gives her hope, strength, and a place to bring all her immutable realities whether they are good or bad.  It’s also a place of inner growth and solace where she can see the reward of her victories and watch the dark clouds be pushed back and some of her greatest “enemies” conquered.  There is some similarities and references to Christianity in it, but whether you believe in the Christian faith or not I hope you believe in reaching out to children, enlisting others as well, to offer them some hope, as Mr. B does.  By doing such one may very well change a child’s path.  I was never allowed to experience that kind of loving persistence; instead I was branded as being a delinquent like most of my older siblings, when I was not like them at all.  I believe I was written off by many as one of the Miller kids as if we were the scourge of the neighborhood. 

My mother’s mental illness manifested itself shortly before my third brother was born (fourth child in the line).  I was told that my father told my mother, while pregnant with him, to jump down the basement steps and he’d catch her.  He was trying to kill his own son, and possibly my mother along with him.  He had always been abusive to my mother and some of my older siblings, including my oldest sister who has Cerebral Palsy.  However, my dad was labeled the “normal” one and got to enjoy a middle-class lifestyle with another woman and her family, while my mother remained alone staying trapped in a living hell, reliving all the pain and agony she had been through all her life.  But what added to her stress was having six children to care for without too much input from my father.  But my Grandmother, Uncle and his wife on my mother’s side stepped in after they heard we didn’t have any food in the house, and brought food.  I have a very vivid memory of that instance.  I was only about two-years-old but I remember I was in a bathing suit, in the middle of winter I believe, and I was licking dried Koolaid off the floor.  The floor was covered with old torn up linoleum that had tar paper backing, so I was licking that backing.  But when I saw Grandma with grocery bags, I knew she had food.  I remember her extending her arms to me to pick me up.  Grandma came back every weekday and cooked and cleaned the house while Mom got “help,” and Mom even tried working to support us, but couldn’t manage it.  Grandma was there to make sure my older siblings got to school, and I was cared for.  My Aunt and Uncle took Mom and Grandma to the store and all of us to doctor’s appointments, because they were the ones with the car.

When I was younger, periodically, my mother would go into psychotic episodes where she didn’t remember becoming violent with us.  I remember us having to hide in the attic (that had fiberglass insulation hanging down) sometimes for days.  The older boys would sneak downstairs while Mom was asleep to get food for us, and we had to use the bathroom in a jar or bucket.  I also can remember an instance before I started school where my mother got very angry at me, because like any small child I wanted something from her, but she started beating me about the head and on my back.  My older sister (the fifth child of the family) pushed me out of the way and Mom started beating her.  She told me to run, so I think I ran outside.

A lot of things went on in our house that no child should have endured, but my siblings and I did.  As one may expect from a home where there was no discipline or structure, and the parent cannot pay attention like normal parents, children get into trouble.  Being neglected as well as emotionally, physically, and even sexually abused also caused distortions in my idea of what life and love were about.  I later suffered great loss in my own personal relationships.  But what was worse, no one said anything, the authorities just left us there, and some of the neighbors shunned us, as if it was our fault that we had a mentally ill mother and a father that left us to starve (I was told he drained the bank account and took our TV).  He left us; we didn’t leave him.  Until I got older I always tried to be the good girl so he would love me, but I always felt he loved my stepsisters more than me.  They got more presents at Christmas time than I did and got to spend more time with him, so I equated that with him loving them more.  But I got fed up one day and sassed him because he had just told me (at about age 13) that since I was the only child left to visit, it would be a waste of his time and gas to come over.  I had asked him to come see me a particular weekend because I hadn’t seen him in a while.  He was on his third wife by then and she had money.  She never really liked us because we weren’t doctors and lawyers.  But if Dad had stayed, and didn’t hurt Mom and us kids like he did, we might have had that encouraging hand to make something of ourselves.  When a parent doesn’t care a kid doesn’t care.  As a result of Mom living in another world most of the time and Dad not caring, our family became very despondent and self-centered, and now most of us are at odds with each other.