A GOOD, ROMANTIC MAN

By Martha K. Miller © 2013

What do people mean by a good, romantic man?  Well let’s define good first.  According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language Third Edition © 1992 there are several meanings but I will shorten it to those that apply to my subject:

Good – 2a. Having the qualities that are desirable or distinguishing in a particular thing; 3a. Not spoiled or ruined; b. In excellent condition; sound; 4a. Superior to the average; satisfactory; 5a. Of high quality; b. Discriminating; 6. Worthy of respect, honorable; 7. Attractive; handsome; 9. Competent; skilled; 11a. Reliable; sure; b. Valid or true; c. Genuine; real; 17a. Of moral excellence; upright; b. Benevolent; kind; c. Loyal staunch; 18a. Well-behaved; obedient; b. Socially correct; proper.

I’ve read some blogs concerning romantic men and one of the most romantic men I’ve seen is Hugh Jackman.  Not only did he play the quintessential romantic in Kate & Leopold but also in real life he has been loyal and loving to his wife for over 18 years.  He has been quoted as saying that when he first met her on the set of Correlli, he knew then she was the one.  For those of us who dream of having that happen to us, that brings tears to our eyes and yes even envy in our hearts.  We ask ourselves, “Why can’t I find a handsome hunk like that who would say that about me?”  Well, that’s a question that still is unanswered in my own life. 

However, by the horrible things I’ve read about Hugh’s wife’s looks, my theory is that there aren’t many romantics left, or they’re too afraid to date women who have flaws or may not look like Angelina Jolie because of receiving that kind of ridicule from their peers.  It’s very hard to find a man who is not superficial, and especially a gorgeous man like Hugh.  I think it’s wonderful that he would actually marry a woman he considers attractive (which is all that matters) and even brag on her, flying in the face of the superficial public’s expectations of him, and not let Hollywood destroy his marriage to her.  I see nothing wrong with Deb; I think she’s pretty even if she picks up a few pounds from time to time like the rest of us do.  She can always lose it.  As for her clothing choices, she can wear what she wants and feels comfortable in.  However, the love between those two is more than admirable, it’s down right romantic and amazing. 

According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language Third Edition © 1992 the definition for romance again has several different ones but those that apply here are as follows:

Romance – 1a. A love affair; b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people, especially that characterized by a high level of purity and devotion; love;

I have been told that Hollywood deems only the extraordinarily beautiful people worthy of love and the rest of us unlovable.  Unfortunately, the public has believed that con, and viciously attacks those they think the celebrities shouldn’t be with.  A celebrity’s personal life is just that – personal, not to be governed by the public or Hollywood.  Maybe that’s one reason why the Jackmans moved back to Australia.  But I’d love to see a movie made about their love story.  I think we could learn a lot from it.  Or maybe a movie that portrays a middle-aged plain looking or flawed woman (like me) who falls for her boss and eventually when he sees her true inner beauty he falls for her.  (I’ve started a story like that, but it’s long from finished.)  But I’d like to see Hollywood be brave enough to cast a truly plain or flawed looking woman (not just a beautiful woman in glasses) opposite of someone as good looking as Hugh Jackman, to show the world that love is much more than the surface.  I have to admit, that in Kate & Leopold, I felt sorry for the woman Leopold was planning to marry, Miss Tree, because he was visibly disappointed in her appearance and I felt her pain when he chose Kate, but that of course happened because Hollywood is superficial.  In my opinion, the deepest depths of true love can’t even be touched by those who dwell only on the superficial, and that’s very sad.

Some may think I’m being superficial by expecting a Hugh Jackman type to sweep me off my feet.  Yes, I am attracted to men like him, but what is more alluring than his muscular body and handsome face is his loyalty, love, and commitment to his wife and marriage.  However, if I could find a “good” man and he sweeps me off my feet by his charm, sophistication, intelligence, and wit, I’d marry him. 

But, what is my definition of a good man?  In Kate & Leopold, Leopold tells Kate’s brother Charlie that a woman responds to sincerity and that a man should make his intentions known, but aim to please her not vex (annoy, irritate, bring distress to) her.  Unfortunately, I’ve been vexed a lot by men who pressured me for sex and kept me the closet girlfriend refusing to introduce me to their families or were too ignorant to hold an intelligent conversation.  I do prefer someone with some culture and intelligence.  A relationship can go sour fast if you are not able to communicate or share things in common.  So, a good man to me, is someone who appreciates and values me as a human being and would never be ashamed of me or embarrassed because I don’t look perfect.  A good man is sincere, loyal, protective, respectable, patient, honorable, well-groomed, courteous, mannerly, kind, generous, reliable, responsible, honest, faithful, opens the door for a lady, shows interest in what I like, and I’m sure you get the picture.  The  character of Leopold was all that and more.  Now, I’m not expecting perfect, but someone who would treat me as he would want to be treated himself.  I respond positively to those who don’t treat me as a piece of meat, or as if I don’t have any feelings.  And I would endeavor to treat him the same way.

There is another kind of romantic man for some women.  The romance of the “bad boy” draws many women because those men are usually rebels.  They don’t follow the rules, they make them.  Many of the men in power are those kind of men.  A part of me wants a man that will be decisive and “take command” of a situation in order to protect his family.  Men who allow themselves to be walked on or their families to be taken advantage of are a turn off to some women; they’re seen as a coward and that brings a lot of insecurity to a woman.  A “good” quality a “bad boy” has is that they are usually protective and decisive.  But one problem with the “bad boys” is that they want it their way or no way; compromise is very seldom in their vocabulary.  Some become abusive and controlling, so I’d rather take my chances on a good guy.  Are there any Leopold’s out there?